session 26: The Boot of Kord

"Here's a note I took off a Vrock I slew" said Zandalf, unrolling a parchment on the bar. "Not a bad likeness."

"We were headed back to the old Dwarven ruins to see what further treasures we might find when we came to a bridge.  'HOLD,' I said, 'EVIL IS AFOOT'.  Probably saved a few lives right there did old Zandalf the Herald.  No sooner had I spoken than did this foul creature fly up from the chasm.  A demon rising from the depths!"  Zandalf glanced over at the barmaid.  "How'd you like to see my demon rise?  eh?  EH?" Getting no interest he went on.  "Anyway, under my orders we spread out in attack formation and began peppering the the beast with ranged attacks.  It shrugged most of them off with little damage, but seemed susceptible to Leena's fire bolt.  I had everyone back away from the edge to lure it into hand to hand range.  When it came in to bite and claw at us we fell upon it with axe and sword.  It was a hard fought battle but in the end it couldn't hope to stand before my might.  It did a bit of damage to some of the others with its shrieks and spores but Zandalf the Hardy was still ready for action.  I'm always ready, you know what I'm saying?"

"We headed back to our campsite outside the dwarven ruins and some of the lesser members of the party nursed their wounds for a time before we went back in.  Once everyone was done being a baby we returned to the large door on the second level that the others had failed to open previously.  This time, though, I took a greater part in the proceedings and under my expert guidance Amos was able to pick the lock.  Beyond the door, stairs descended to a small chamber with 3 statues of dwarfs holding axes.  Seeing gouges on the ground in front of the 2 obvious exits I sensed a trap and set the team to searching the room.  Zandalf's first option is ALWAYS the backdoor, you know what I mean?  Zandalf the Probing!  Sure enough, behind one of the statues we found a secret door, and used that to exit the room." 

"The door opened into a large throne room, occupied by three duergar who rudely threatened us.  No sooner do we step into the room than these guys turn invisible and charge at us.  One by one they pop back into existence as they chuck javelins.  Vanekas turns into a big ass spider and scuttles up a pillar, shooting a web like 30 feet onto the guy closest to us.  Let me know if you want to stage a reenactment in my room later, heheh.  So anyway, the fellas just walk up and hack this trapped dwarf to death, which he had coming.  The other two didn't fare much better, trying to hide behind pillars.  Gimmelstob and Dis just started walking up and chopping away.  Amos is sneaking around shooting guys and Vanekas actually bit one."

"Once those three were dealt with we decided to head south where we could hear a loud, rhythmic clanging.  We open these big double doors and there's 3 more of these mean little guys across a river looking like they're making a sword or something.  Figuring these guys are as shitty as the ones we just handled we decide to just open fire on them unannounced.  We peppered one guy but he didn't go down.  Maybe if we'd bought him dinner first, eh?  Hehe.  So 2 of the guys turn invisible again and you can hear them coming across the bridges.  The other guy starts slinging spells at us, 'shatter' and the like.  Gimmelstob charges across the bridge and goes after the wizard with Vanekas who is creeping across the ceiling.  Dis, Amos and Leena stay on the near side of the river and soon enough the 2 missing duergar show up and start going after Leena.  Amos and Leena are concentrating on this one guy and Dis turns to the guy standing on the bridge and just plants the boot of Kord right in his chest, sends him into the river and over the falls to his doom.  The two remaining guys didn't last long, unlike me, Zandalf the Vigorous.  I couldn't tell, but I think Vanekas was biting this guy too.  Real oral fixation, that guy."

"After sorting out those last duergar we searched the room and found some more treasure hidden in an old furnace.  There were a couple storerooms to the south but didn't seem to be anything going on there.  To the east was a big waterfall, the one the duergar went over.  There's a bit of a ledge that goes along the northern wall of the pit and you can just make out a ladder over there, going down to who knows where.  Still plenty of doors still to open on this level before we go further down."

Session 24: Mr Roper

After dispatching the giant lizard Amos and Falwell headed to the surface, sending in Leena to help finish exploring the second level of the dwarven ruins.  No one knows where Zandalf is, but drunk in a gutter seems likely.

The party followed the stream north into a large cavern whose walls were decorated with the remains of animals and orcs.  They were examining a poorly constructed door when a pair of Troglodytes, their chameleon-like skin allowing them to blend into the surrounding cavern, surprised them.  The pair were quickly dispatched, having only managed to land a single weak blow to Dis.  As the combat subsided activity could be heard on the other side of the door; what sounded like a hasty attempt at reinforcement.  Not wanting to leave such savage creatures at their backs the door was kicked down and the group marched in.  At the end of a short, narrow cave the area opened up to either side where Troglodytes crouched, waiting.  Even more Troglodytes could be seen farther ahead, barely visible in the dim light.
 

Shielding the more lightly armored, Gimmelstob and Dis stood in the tunnel's mouth and set to work with axe and sword, Vanekas darting between them to fire arrows.  The battle was looking to be an easy one when another giant lizard appeared, perhaps the spawn of the one they'd defeated earlier, followed by a Troglodyte magic user.  You could tell he was smart, or perhaps just shy, as he was the only one with clothes.

Fearing the might of Kord the newcomers continued the trend of focusing their attacks on our lord's champion.  Dis was downed but Vanekas was able to revive him and the carnage continued, with the lizard and troglodytes on the receiving end of a beat down. 

Their immediate foes defeated, the party headed deeper into the cave, boxing in a group of female Troglodytes hissing over their eggs.  Having proven themselves vicious and sneaky with their preemptive attacks it was an easy decision to root out this evil.  There followed a brief battle, Leena and Vanekas using Burning Hands and Thunderwave to batter the Troglodytes while Gimmelstob and Dis hacked away.  Soon enough there was nothing left but broken eggs and dead enemies.

Consulting their map the party noticed a stretch of stream by the entrance that was unexplored and headed back that way to complete their cartographic endeavors.  Rounding a bend in the stream they came upon an alcove with the mouldering corpse of a dwarf.  Again the group was surprised when a group of stirges descended from the ceiling, one latching on to Dis.  Leena promptly put the lot of them to sleep and they were unceremoniously crushed.

Having completed the exploration of the second level the group went outside to rest for the night before heading down a spiral staircase to the 3rd level.  They came out in a large cavern with a waterfall to the west, a large wooden door to the east and a short cave heading south.  Wanting to clear out the open spaces first they headed south.  Crossing a short bridge spanning a fast moving stream they came upon a door leading to a gallery of cut-stone rooms.  The floor was flooded with evil smelling water which Gimmelstob jumped across with his boots of striding to explore the area.  At the far end was another corpse, half submerged in the water.  To examine it Gimmelstob was forced to enter the water but seemed none the worse for wear.

Heading east along the stream the party climbed a curving stairway and came out in another cave.  On the other side of the stream was a suspicious looking stalagmite.  As they prepared to fill it with arrows and crossbow bolts it burst to life, grabbing Leena, Dis and Gimmelstob.  Vanekas was able to elude its grasp and ran further into the chamber to get out of tentacle range while still allowing him to shoot the beast with arrows.  The 'roper' proved to be a hardy foe, with many a well struck blow bouncing off its thick hide.  By the grace of Kord, Dis was able to land a mighty smite, thereafter gaining the creature's undivided attention.  The two traded attacks in a battle that was worthy of song.  In the end Dis lay unconscious in its grasp and the creature was at death's door when Leena burned the last sliver of life out of it.

Having had enough for the time being the party limped out of the ruins and headed back to town.

Session 22: It Was All Thanks to Me

Having just heard the tale of how the party cleared out the 2nd level of the dwarven ruins without him, Zandalf staggered to his feet and headed over to the bar for another round.

"Let me tell you," he slurred "of how I, with almost no assistance, cleared out the 2nd level of the dwarven ruins... somewhere over in that direction."  Zandalf pointed in a direction almost entirely opposite of where the ruins actually were.

The barkeep, who hadn't noticed Zandalf at all, looked up to see him staring expectantly and pointing at the wall.  He glanced at the wall, back at Zandalf then shrugged, returning to polishing a glass.

"The party stood at the top of the stairs, waiting, as I, Zandalf the Bold descended into the depths.  Even before reaching the floor I was beset by enemies as at least 50, nay 100, Stirges descended from the ceiling!"  Zandalf, somehow misreading the barkeep's utter lack of interest, continued.
"While first and foremost a wielder of the mystical arts, I am also renowned for my skills with a blade!"  Zandalf pulled his knife out with a flourish and promptly fumbled it into a bowl of nuts on the bar.  "It was child's play for me to dispatch them, and soon the few remaining stirges fled in terror lest they meet the same grizzly fate!"

"Reaching the bottom of the stairs I called to the rest of the party, and heartened by my bravery they followed me down.  We headed east across a stream and into another cavern.  Sensing something was off I called to Vanekas, whose perceptions are second only to my own, to come forward.  'Over there', I said to him, 'do you see it?'  I already knew what it was, you understand, but I wanted Vanekas to feel some sense of accomplishment.  Can you guess what we saw?"  The barkeep continued ignoring him.  "It was TROGLODYTES, those stinking, sneaking bastards!  Thanks to my keen senses they were unable to surprise us.  Inspired by my leadership the party landed many a precise blow!  Amos and Vanekas buried arrows directly in their eyes and Dis struck one in the neck, right where I had taught him Troglodytes were weakest."  Zandalf stood with fist clenched, staring into the distance, pretending to remember.

"There was a door to the east but we decided to head south where the way was open.  In a passage that branched off the main tunnel we found an ancient skeleton, grasping a magical blade.  The skeleton was covered in spores that looked poisonous so we, I mean I, devised an ingenious method to extricate the blade.  We would loop a rope around the pommel and tug it away from a distance.  'Zandalf the Shrewd' they used to call me at the magisterium.  Against my better judgement I allowed Vanekas to attempt it and the task was bungled.  Thankfully no ill came of it.  I allowed Dis to keep the blade, as what need has Mighty Zandalf of such a crude weapon?"

"To the south was the largest cavern yet.  Sensing no immediate threat we decided to head back to the unopened door in the previous cavern.  I pushed everyone behind me and tugged the door open, revealing the most ferocious bear you've ever seen!  That's the most ferocious bear YOU'VE ever seen, mind you, not me.  I've faced and defeated countless bears that were more ferocious.  'Zandalf Bearsbane' some call me.  Anyway, feeling sorry for the bear, whose life would surely end were we to come into conflict, I stood between him and the party and pointed toward a tunnel to the north that seemed to lead out to the forest.  All the while Vanekas pretended to talk to the bear, but what would be the point?  My steely-eyed gaze was all the message that bear needed and he was soon on his way."

"From there we headed back west to the original cavern and turned south through a previously unexplored tunnel.  We came upon a raised stone platform that overlooked the same huge cavern we'd spied earlier.  Upon the platform Twenty-three sepulchers stood, clearly the resting place of the dwarven dead who had originally inhabited these tunnels.  Only three sepulchers had death dates and contained skeletons, leading us to believe the rest of the dwarfs had met an untimely demise.  Falwell was unable to detect any undead, which I had known would be the case, so we looted the graves.  I mean, they're not using it, right?  Looting is the whole reason we're down there.  I mean, that and making the lands safe for the common folk.  'Zandalf the Benevolent' they call me."

"We headed down a short flight of stairs into the main cavern and there, along a cliff on the eastern edge, we came upon a couple gricks.  Nasty tentacled things.  Again, I took on a leadership role and under my instruction the party filled the gricks with arrows and crossbow bolts from a distance.  When they were close enough to us we switched to hammer and sword and made short work of them."


"There was a locked door to the east.  Amos tried to pick the lock and Gimmelstob and Dis attempted to force it open but failed.  Had I tried we would doubtless have been through it in a matter of moments."  Zandalf glanced over his shoulder to make sure the party wasn't paying attention to him.  The barkeep, also not paying attention, had walked away.  Zandalf headed down the bar after him, finishing the dregs of abandoned drinks along the way.

"Anyway, we got a bit of treasure there which I'm allowing the others to hold onto for now.  I'm sure I'll get my cut soon enough...  We headed south through a tunnel from there and came to another cavern with a stream running through it from east to west.  To the east was a set of spiral stairs leading down.  Not wanting to leave anything at our backs we headed west up the stream."

"On the south side of the stream we came upon a giant white lizard chained to a wall.  Huuuuge goddamn lizard.  Second biggest white lizard I've ever seen, you know what I'm saying?  hehe.  The ol reptile, eh?  You know what I mean..?  My dick.  I'm talking about my dick, which is twice as big as that lizard, which, like I said, was really big...  and I'm being generous to that lizard here because it only wishes it was half as big as the ol magic wand.  hehe... 'Zandalf the Girthy'.  Anyway, this big fuck darts forward and bites the SHIT out of Gimmelstob, really chomped him.  I feel bad for letting him out front like that, as I would have easily evaded that beast and felled him with a single blow!"  Zandalf went to hammer his fist on the bar and just missed, skinning his knuckles on the edge.  "ooOOOWWwww... that's kinda like what Gimmelstob sounded like.  I'm trying to paint a picture here, just being as descriptive as possible.  'Zandalf the Illuminating'.  So, Gimmelstob starts hacking at this lizard and Dis goes running forward to help out.  I turn to Falwell and I says to him 'Hey, Falwell, hook Dis up with some channel divinity.'  Recognizing my wisdom he does just that and Dis lands this monster blow, really cleaved that lizard.  A circumcision if you will, hehe.  The lizard doesn't like that and he turns and bites Dis now, practically eating him.  But that was all she wrote for the lizard.  Recognizing that it was almost dead and they didn't need my assistance to finish him off I directed the party forward to put an end to him.  Found another chest full of loot in there,  Which, you know, I'm probably going to get the lion's share of.  Gonna be rich.  'Zandalf the Prosperous'."

Zandalf puffed out his chest and nodded sagely to no one in particular.  Forgetting to order another round he turned and headed back toward the party, pissing his robes as he went.